Premeditatio Malorum

Premeditatio malorum (“the pre-meditation of evils”) is a Stoic exercise of imagining things that could go wrong or be taken away from us.

I have come to internalize this just recently and learned that there are bits and pieces of our human form that is far more integral and beneficial to us than whatever it is that the economists tag as valued or important. The pre-meditation of evils is the process and exercise of mindfulness. Being able to think and lay down all of your fears, setbacks, loopholes, vulnerabilities, everything. Staying true to one's conscious and logical reasons with the acceptance and forbearance of the realities of the soul - that which establishes a solid foundation of opening the eyes of all the what-ifs.

Amor Fati, a love of fate. That capacity to be able to not just bear and accept all that happens but to you but also to be able to embrace and be grateful for everything that comes with what happened to you.

The sweet, the bitterness, the joy, and the pain, all in equal importance, all in equal importance to the process of where and who you are right now. The total surrender of all that had already happened and acceptance of its beauty no matter how broken it is.

Memento Mori, remember death. A constant reminder of the mortal beings trying to live up too long for civilization's sake or so I thought. Remember that you will die and could leave life right now.

No one is spared with the bondage of time when it comes to our lifespan and therefore we only leave to this earth that tiny slice of consciousness we contribute to the general knowledge of the youngsters whose choices are greatly influenced by the mad or lonely if not complacent people in the civilization. But while I am alive I will strive to hold back any negative influence I may contribute to the world so that my beloved youngsters can still get to see a better and beautiful day.

The pre-meditation of evil allows us to think of one thing we badly wanted to achieve and what are the consequences of not being able to achieve it and how do we avoid grave to fatal damages? For example, You had a lover you've waited for so long in your broken life. You tried to avoid your path because you feared loving and losing but time is such a king of all elemental conspiracies to your heart's content you united and loved. Complacent and negligent as little humans you were again conspired by time for misunderstanding. Your big WHAT IF: What if I will never be back to the person I love? What are the worst things that could possibly turn out if that happens? Enumerating them you go:

- I'd be damned

- I'd lose appetite

- I'd never love again

- I'd run away from this place

- I'd cry for months

- I'd wear an iron mask

- I'd be soberly broken no one will ever know

- I'd be the loneliest person in the Univers and the list of pathetic outcomes could go on. Just like that. So what can I do to be able to avoid this damnation? What can I do to avoid crying for months and getting soberly hurt? What can I do so I don't have to run away? The best thing I can do at the moment is staying still, relax, think and let the cool summer breeze blow away both madness...Time indeed is clever, it forgets as it heals. I'm glad to get healed but I fear I might forget the feeling. Communication binds and I don't want to say anything that won't help bind us - that's all I know I can do for now. However, if worst comes to worst, what will you do if it ever happens that I will never be back to the person I love? Worst comes to worst, I'd be dead for a moment, my heart may stop beating for a period of how long only time can tell as the king of all the nature's elements. Am I ready to be dead? Not yet but I figured I know I had that feeling before and I was able to endure, maybe I can endure again this time. What doesn't kill me makes me stronger so worst comes to worst, I can only come out stronger and wiser or good as dead beat up by time's conspiracies and false hopes.

Now that I know these, I can live for another moment and wait for when time will give me the chance to make my move. Memento Mori, I am just a no one. Amor Fati, I love and embrace that which had happened and may possibly happen next. This is my premeditatio malorum. Now I'm hungry and thanks to God I have some tea to drink.