My first broken heart.

Being raised with poor parents you kind of just live with what little you have and content yourself with the extra pieces of charity from the willful people around you. Bearing in mind that people won't give without receiving in return, I've come to realize that mom's loyalty paid it all off. I've come to fullness that my ideals in life where 90 % hers and 10 % a recollection in my younger years. Inspired by how a young couple surpassed all setbacks in their early stages of marriage, I was like a hero in their making. I enacted with so much inclination to all the expectations young parents would have from their first born - talented, respectful, smart, skillful and willful - name it. I am what they make of me and nothing of what I want of myself. Obedience is how I put it simply. I was focused with the blinding shining glimmering lights of the future that I forgot the dark realities of the present. Then all went haywire and shattered into pieces. Reality slapped me.

When he chose the other woman with a baby on the way, I couldn't help but ask a thousand WHY??? He used to be the best man I knew. He used to be my hero. He used to be my king in the kingdom I am yet to build for him. He used to be the best part of my making - indeed he was. My four other siblings were as though a nest of tiny little birds and he crippled their wings - they cannot soar, they cannot fly nor flap a single possibility in the world of the unknown; they just lost a protector; the same funny man we used to dribble morning basketball in between jogs. The same man they pile in line to ride in a horseback while pressing up every morning. Our man who demands an over all body massage and pays a peso for every single white hair we pluck out of his head. We just lost his love. We lost his love because he made us choose between him and mom. He made us choose after we made him choose between us and his woman. I was vexed, perplexed and broken.

My thousand WHY is still up in the air waiting for an answer. This time, I have more of the hopes that he is reconciled with his own. This time I am more with the hopes of having my old man grow bald not just of those hairs on his head but including all ego and pride in his heart so he would reconcile with mom and my siblings.

#brokenheart #missmydaddy #myfirstbrokenheart #heartaches #unconditionallove